I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
