four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
