i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
