Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
