i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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