I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
