i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
God, I missed his penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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