Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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