Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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