I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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