I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
