She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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