Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
