Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
