Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
