tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
