She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
