filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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