I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
