Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
