I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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