that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
