It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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