my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
