Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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