I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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