The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
