im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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