She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
