Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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