i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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