Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
