Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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