There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish you could order shots online.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
