big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
