walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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