so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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