How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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