If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
