How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
