Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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