New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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