her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
