my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
