My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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