all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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