Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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