My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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