I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
