How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
