I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
