I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
