I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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