4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He passed out mid-signature
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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