WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
