I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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