So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
