so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
