update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
