I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize