I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
