you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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