I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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