I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
