Already got asked if we're dating
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
