Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
