My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
