ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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