My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
