rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
