Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
